Saturday, January 28, 2012

Proof for the Existence of God

The only proof that God exists is that he is able to get 94% of Americans to believe in him/her.

Also, that he is able to get people to believe he’s a he. Wouldn’t it be a surprise if he turned out a she?

I hope the all-knowing God isn’t listening. I don’t want to go down (or is it up?) to roast in hell.

Hey, if you’re listening I really don’t mean it.

This God is surely on vacation, allowing all kinds of bad things to occur. Or maybe he/she is busy with another planet or visiting hell to make sure the fires are burning to torture nonbelievers for eternity.

Well goodbye and God bless!

Friday, January 27, 2012

A Few Questions for God, Volume II

Are you reading this blog? (I hope not.)

Are you black or white?

Do you have a beard?

How’s your son?

Have you any other children?

Are you a good god, a bad guy, or someone in between?

What did you have for dinner last night?

Do you bet on horse races? After all, you know who’s going to win. Boy, would you clean up!

Don't you think you should watch the Catholic priests a little more closely?
Are you and the devil on speaking terms?

Are you for gay marriage?

Don't you think you ought to pick better priests? And shouldn't they burn in hell? 

How old are you?

Do you eat kosher?

Is there life on other planets? 


Thursday, January 26, 2012

A Few Questions for God


Who’s gonna win the Super Bowl?

Have you lain with Angelina Jolie? If not, why not?

Are you a he or a she?

Are you a virgin? If a virgin, explain your son Christ.

There are many different gods in the world. Do they speak to each other? Have they divided up their territories in a mafia kind of way?

Do women gods get equal rights?

Did you make jackasses in your image?

What do you have for breakfast? What do you eat without a girl up there?

Do you masturbate?

Do you brush your teeth with Crest?

I’ll be back with another blog – God willing!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Separation of Church and State
(Or, A Race to the Bottom of Fairyland)

"One Nation under God"

"God Bless America"

"In God We Trust" (What do we trust? That the money is not counterfeit?)

The myth of separation between a church and state should be "the dominance of church over state." See the race to show who believed in god more in the contest for the Republican nomination. This is a race to the bottom of fairyland!

Who are we kidding? There is as much separation between church and state as there is between white and rice.

Most politicians say they believe in God and go to church on Sundays and wear this as a badge of honor. This shows either 1) they lie to get elected or 2) that they really believe. If the first, they’re stooping pretty low. If the second, they must be pretty dumb.


Well, goodbye and god bless.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Trauts from Uranus

Hello, my name is Trauts. It is a name given to me by my earthling friend Stuart Wechsler. I have come here from a far, distant planet, Uranus, to report back to my fellow Uranians about life on the planet Earth. Since my arrival here about a year ago, I've been observing the Earth and its creatures. It took me some time to be able to speak the language of the earthlings, so please forgive my errors. I saw many strange things. Creatures known as humans put on something they call clothes. They cover themselves in fabrics even when it is hot. They cover many parts of their bodies for reasons I cannot understand. None of the other animals on earth do this.

Humans have apparently taken over the earth, and the changes they have made have not been good. They fight amongst themselves even though they are not in danger. They have destroyed the topography of the planet. They have destroyed many other types of animals on earth and are very vicious predators. They seem to be the only creatures who kill for reasons other than obtaining food to keep them alive.

I noticed something very strange; they take little pieces of paper and seem to exchange them for houses and what they call automobiles, which doesn't make sense to me.

Many of the earthlings have become especially powerful, consuming vast amounts of the natural resources on earth for themselves, while at the same time millions of earthlings are starving. They treat the other creatures on earth in a terrible manner. They slaughter innocent animals called chickens and cows in a terrible way and then eat them instead of eating fruits and vegetables. This does not seem sensible, especially since the eating of animals is very unhealthy and kills many earthlings.

They do not understand the language of many of the other creatures on earth, and they assume that such creatures are stupid. They are beginning to know, of course, that all of the other creatures on earth have their own languages, and they are just beginning to understand that they these other creatures have the same emotions as earthlings.

Unlike other creatures who seem to learn much from their parents, they leave their parents and go to universities which seem dedicated to throwing balls, hitting and tackling each other. They are not doing these things at universities everywhere in the world; only in a part of the world called the United States. In a place called Europe, for example, universities and colleges seem to be devoted instead to something called teaching. The United States does not seem to make any attempt at learning at these gathering places called college, but they appear to be dedicated to fun and games.

They are reproducing at an unsustainable rate thereby polluting the atmosphere. The earthlings, I predict, will eliminate themselves by choking the atmosphere among other self-destructive actions.

They come in all shapes sizes and colors, and they cannot seem to agree on single language to communicate with each other.

They lock up other creatures on earth in cages, and they call these places prisons. They take away from these creatures freedom and leave them to a terrible life.

To be continued….